Evening Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

TV's prominent entertainers spent their airtime mocking President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, dubbed the "Trump card," portraying it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial initiative which enables international nationals to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" version for $5 million. A government portal pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A quick thought here to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The best background check the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings amid financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.